You just got a parental control notification. What should you do next?

If you use parental controls, it can be alarming to get a notification that your child encountered inappropriate content. But moments like these are opportunities to build trust.

Research from the American Psychological Association (APA) says that when parents set clear expectations, talk openly about online experiences and help kids process what they encounter, it can create safer habits. These conversations can also help kids feel comfortable asking questions and making smarter choices about what they select online.

But there’s research, and then there’s real life. To get an idea of what it’s actually like when a parent and child face the inappropriate-content situation together, we spoke with digital parenting coach Elizabeth Milovidov and her son Maximilian, an 18-year-old youth advocate for online safety.

Here’s what they say parents can do after receiving a parental control alert.

Step 1: Don’t put off the conversation.

Discovering that your child has encountered inappropriate content can trigger panic, but Elizabeth stresses the importance of staying calm. “Whatever the content is, whether it’s violent, sexual or something else, the first step is for parents to respond to that parental control notification calmly and proactively,” she says.

Rushing and reacting in an extreme way, like shutting down all devices, can make kids hesitant to come forward in the future. Once you’re calm, start the conversation—but do it sooner rather than later.

"Earlier is better because [the content] will still be fresh in their mind," says Maximilian.

Step 2: Ask questions to get more context.

Getting a parental control notification about inappropriate content doesn’t always mean your child intentionally searched for that content. They may have accidentally selected a pop-up, followed a misleading link or encountered the content through an algorithm.

Maximilian emphasizes the need to understand what happened before making assumptions. “You want to make sure they feel heard and that you get the full picture before judging or punishing,” he says.

If your child sought the content on purpose, it could be out of curiosity, peer pressure or interest in current events. If it’s the first time they’ve triggered a parental control alert, use it as a chance for discussion rather than doling out immediate consequences. If they repeatedly trigger an alert, especially across different platforms, it may signal a pattern that requires more guidance or content restrictions.

Elizabeth recommends asking these open-ended questions:

• What did you encounter?
• How did you find it?
• How did it make you feel?

“This helps you understand whether they stumbled upon the content accidentally or intentionally, which are two very different conversations,” she says.

Step 3: Offer reassurance and education.

Children often feel upset after encountering inappropriate or violent content. “Sometimes kids feel scared, guilty or confused about what they’ve seen,” says Elizabeth.

Signs of distress may include avoiding eye contact, hesitation in answering questions, or appearing anxious or withdrawn. “Offer reassurance by saying, ‘Let’s figure this out together.’”

This is also an opportunity to reinforce family values—without judgment or shame. “Make sure they understand your expectations and what is and isn’t appropriate,” Elizabeth says, “whether it’s online behavior, media consumption or real-world interactions.”

Step 4: Decide on next steps.

“If they accessed content by clicking on an ad, this is a chance to teach them about the risks of pop-ups and how to avoid them,” says Elizabeth.

The goal is to empower kids to navigate the internet safely. “You want to guide them to make better choices and feel confident about staying safe online.”

Once you understand what triggered the parental control alert and have had the conversation, you can also adjust parental control settings if needed and work on building additional digital literacy skills. On the Verizon Family app, consider updating the following (and make sure the companion app is paired to your phone):

• Content filters to block specific categories of information
• Screen-time limits, such as no Wi-Fi or data access after 9 PM
• Safe Search and ad blockers, which you can turn on to help prevent errant selections

Step 5: Follow up again later.

Find natural moments to check in—like at dinner, when screens are already off. Research from a study of 1,000 parents found that regular family meals improve communication and strengthen relationships with teens. This can make dinnertime an ideal time to discuss digital safety. “Mealtimes can be good opportunities because kids are already disconnected from their devices,” says Maximilian.

Elizabeth also points out that regular conversations reinforce good habits. She suggests checking in over the next few weeks to answer any questions.

With these tips, parents can continue to be proactive digital guides instead of simply reacting to alerts. As Elizabeth points out, “Every conversation about tech can be a teaching moment.”

Get insights about your child’s digital life with Verizon Family.