What are the new rules of phone etiquette?

Today’s kids have been videoconferencing since toddlerhood. Emojis are their second language. And they’re more likely to go live on an app like TikTok than to call grandma.

From video chatting on apps like FaceTime to live streams, the rules of phone etiquette feel like they’re constantly shifting. But parents can still teach the basics. Kids already know to put the phone down while someone’s talking. What about those more complex social moments, like when you’re on a call with your earbuds in and a neighbor stops to say hello? Who has the right of way in that moment?

“Most people are probably impolite at some point when it comes to using a device,” says Alanna Powers, a research and program specialist at the Family Online Safety Institute. “For example, this morning, I was on my tablet checking something while my fiancé was trying to talk to me about our weekend plans.” However, although Powers knows when she’s stepping over the line, your kids might not. And that’s where this advice comes in.

To help kids build good phone etiquette habits, Powers recommends focusing on these key areas.

Demonstrate good digital manners.

If kids think you’re scrolling through videos while they’re trying to talk to you, they’ll assume that’s normal behavior—even if you’re really answering a work text. Teaching phone etiquette starts by narrating your own digital behavior whenever you’re on the phone and your kids are in the room. Try saying, “I have two emails to send, then I’ll put my phone down.” That simple statement lets your child know that they’re not being ignored and sets a boundary they can understand.

Here are a few other behaviors worth modeling and teaching:

• Always say hello and goodbye on calls.
• Unless it’s an emergency, don’t call someone over and over—that’s called spamming now.
• Remove headphones or earbuds when speaking to someone in person.
• If a neighbor stops you mid-call, say something like, “Hi there! I’m just finishing a call. Can we chat in a sec?”
• If you need to reply to a call or text while you’re in the middle of a conversation with someone else, politely excuse yourself and step away.
• Don’t sneak peeks at your phone when you’re with someone.

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Read the room before you make the call.

When we were kids, phones were tethered to the wall. Now, phones travel with us—and kids need help knowing when to pause before starting a call. That’s why it’s important to teach kids how to read the room.

Before making a call or going live on video, encourage kids to check their surroundings:

• Is this a phone-free zone? Classrooms or quiet carpools are good examples.
• Am I being too loud? Use an indoor voice in spaces like retail stores or supermarkets.
• Is my call bothering someone nearby?
• Am I sharing private information where others can hear it?
• Am I putting people on a video chat who didn’t agree to be on camera? If there’s a chance you could show someone who doesn’t want to be shown, consider turning off your camera.

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Use tech tools that back up your rules.

Phone etiquette starts with conversations—but don’t forget about the built-in tools that can help.

“I recommend device-free times to break some of these habits,” says Powers. “Maybe go on a walk and, if you feel safe, leave your phone at home.”

You can also use phone settings to help create boundaries. For example, Verizon Family Plus lets you schedule device-free hours or pause access to the internet altogether—and still reach emergency contacts like a parent or 911.

Here are a few quick ways to use tech to reinforce healthy habits:

• Turn on Do Not Disturb mode during family dinners, friend hangouts or important moments.
• Set up no-phone zones in places like the kitchen, the dining room and the car.
• Use tools like the Verizon Family Plus app to limit phone use during school hours or bedtime—or pause it anytime distraction strikes.

Get the tools: Verizon Family Plus

Make screen time more social—and less solo.

Phone etiquette is also about helping kids understand how—and why—we connect, online and offline.

“Kids have a lot of meaningful connections with their peers and family members online,” says Powers. That’s not a bad thing, but if you want to encourage more in-person interactions, kids sometimes need a little help to make it happen.

Try these simple swaps to balance online and offline time:

• Trade solo screen time after dinner for a board game or group activity.
• Encourage your child to invite friends over, and offer to drive them to a movie, skate park or hangout.
• Suggest clubs, sports or community groups to help kids stay connected IRL, especially during summer breaks.
• For faraway friends or family, find creative ways to connect digitally: Cook the same meal over video, play a multi-player game, or try apps like Scrabble or Battleship that promote interaction.

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While no one’s perfect (not even us grown-ups), ongoing conversations are the best way to help kids build healthy digital habits. With a little intention—and a lot of modeling—you can raise a kid who knows how to connect with confidence, whether they’re face-to-face or FaceTiming.

Less micromanaging, more modeling—Verizon Family Plus can help.