Tech yourself: How your screen time impacts your kids

As parents, we often focus on managing our kids’ screen time, but it’s crucial that we monitor our own digital habits, too. One study reveals that “still face”—the blank expression we frequently have when absorbed in screens—can be interpreted by children as emotional disconnection or even depression. This can hinder both a child’s relationship with a parent as well as the child’s overall emotional intelligence.

So this is a reminder for parents: By being mindful of our own screen-time habits, we not only set a better example but also create a more emotionally supportive environment for our kids. The following tech checklist can help you do just that.

1. Review your own screen-time habits.

How often do you think about how you, as a parent, use your phone? It’s a question we need to ask frequently, says Devorah Heitner, author of “Screenwise” and “Growing Up in Public.” “Parents often want to lock down kids’ screen time,” she says, “but they aren’t willing to look at their own phone use.”

As a mom of a teenage son, Heitner is keenly aware that he’s observing how she interacts with her screens—and taking cues from her behavior. As a result, she regularly focuses on the three steps here to help develop healthy habits: 

Move distracting apps off your phone. Heitner says she periodically reviews the apps she keeps on her phone and removes those that distract her the most. For example, banking apps may need to stay, but social media apps are easily offloaded and checked only from a computer.

Think about where your phone is. Charge your phone in another room, put it away when you’re driving and ban it from the dinner table. “Adults who check their phones at the table teach kids that it’s okay,” says Heitner. Physically moving your phone to another location—or keeping it in a set location when you’re home—will help you be more present with your kids.

Schedule recurring tech reviews. It might be monthly or seasonally, but it’s important to add an ongoing technology review to your calendar. This is a time for parents and kids to talk about screen use, issues with social media or online communication, upgrading devices, and how tech is impacting overall family life. Without this scheduled time, the pace of life will rush along, and unhealthy habits could take hold.

2. Make time to switch off notifications and alerts.

Frequent phone calls, texts and push notifications can make it seem like our devices always require our attention, says Julianna Miner, author of “Raising a Screen Smart Kid.” “Tech use is like any other learned behavior, and parents play an enormous role in establishing what kids will consider normal,” she says. Our kids notice how quickly we jump to respond to an alert, Miner says, but with a bit of time and attention, those alerts can be pared down to only the necessary ones—leaving more time to be present with our kids. Here are some strategies:

Designate blocks of time with no alerts. Whether it’s during the after-dinner hours or during your own workday, toggle your notification settings off to give yourself—and your family—uninterrupted chunks of time.

Show kids it’s okay to ignore devices sometimes. When kids get their first phone they don’t innately understand how to set boundaries around their time. When a friend calls, they answer. When they get a text, they feel the need to immediately respond. Oftentimes they think this kind of screen time is necessary because it’s how the adults in their life use their phones. So when your kid is telling you about their day, hit “ignore” on that incoming call. This lets your child know that what they are saying is more important than whatever is on the other end of that line.

Rethink your smartwatch use. Smartwatches can be great tools, but they can also be invasive. Placing your phone in another room doesn’t matter if push notifications are still coming to your watch. Toggle those settings to allow only the most necessary alerts as well.

3. Talk about your tech health as much as you talk about theirs.

We can tell our kids to be mindful of their screen time, but talking about how we evaluate our own screen time has a bigger impact, says Miner. “As a parent, you could be doing a great job managing your tech use, but if you’re not discussing it with your children, how would they know?” Try these as a starting point:

Talk about how tech makes you feel. We can connect with our kids by sharing both positive and negative experiences with tech. “This week I shared that every time I open Instagram, almost immediately I feel annoyed and bombarded with content I don’t want to see and don’t care about,” says Miner. Some of her other family members felt the same way, and they were able to talk about why—and reevaluate their habits.

Tell your kids what you’re doing on your phone. Are you sending your partner online videos or registering your child for soccer? Most of the time, kids can’t tell—but it can be helpful for them to know why what you’re doing on your phone is a priority. Say it out loud, advises Heitner. “You can explain that you are doing some work right now. Give them a time you will be done,” she says. She adds that it’s best to give them an actual clock time, as phrases like “in a few minutes” feel vague and nebulous.

Miner says this final step is the most crucial. “Part of modeling good tech behavior and mentoring digital citizenship is sharing what you’re doing online,” she says, “including problems you may encounter and solutions you’ve tried.”

Reflect on your screen time, and then help manage theirs with Verizon Family.